I attract psychos.
Exhibit A: The Lebanese In-N-Out employee I dated for a month in high school. And by dated, I mean "made out in his Tonka Truck while parked on a hill behind a golf course". It was terribly romantic, especially because I wouldn't let him under my clothes. He went on to be a pool cleaner. WINNER.
Exhibit B: The guy who asked me if I worked for NASA, because if I did (and try to keep up with this logic train here) I could be the stars and he could be the Big Dipper. WINNER.
Exhibit C: Beigesauce who pushed me off a chair when his favorite football team scored a touchdown. GEM.
Exhibit D: Guy in Starbucks who, despite my repeated utterances of "I'm actually just trying to study, I can't really talk right now," proceeded to tell me about how he's cleaned up his life, gotten back on track at DeVry, and how smart I look. POTENTIAL MATE.
I really hope they never stop finding me.
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ReplyDeleteHe actually said something more to the effect of "I'll put my Big Dipper in your Milky Way," and he was talking about MY Milky Way you bitch!
ReplyDeleteBITCH GET YOUR MITTS OFF MY MAN.
ReplyDeleteI'M VERY UPSET, YOU HAVE PISSED ME OFF.
ReplyDeleteRemember how I threw a beer bottle at him and Otter freaked? Good thing he was too drunk to notice it smacking him in the back of the head.